I grew up eating dinner by myself or with our helper. Because my mom and dad split up when I was 1 year old, mom had to work even late nights. Family meal times were some of the things I missed growing up. So I decided that when I have my own family, it is something I’d like to implement.

I’ve realized that it takes deliberate effort to have it consistently. It is a fight. I get pulled in 25 different directions. However, I made a decision to only be out 2 nights a week and spend the other nights at home. Tuesday nights, after dinner, I bring one of my kids out (’daddy-date’ for my girl and ‘guy time’ for my boys).

It’s easier to do it when you’ve made a decision way in advance as compared to making a decision at crunch time.

Consider the research findings from www.poweroffamilymeals.com.

* Children depend on their parents for the ABCs of good health. 71% say they get information about how to be healthy from their mother; 43% from their father.
* 19% of teens who have fewer than three family dinners per week report that there is a great deal of tension or stress between family members, compared to 7% of teens who have at least five family dinners per week.
* More mealtime at home was the single strongest factor in better achievement scores and fewer behavioral problems in children all ages. More meals at home also resulted in less obesity.
* Because feeding is the most basic animal form of caring, sharing meals is one of the most central family bonds.
* Through the mini lessons of table manners, children learn to share and think of others. By saying “please” and “thank you,” we recognize the humanity of our tablemate, acknowledging the fact that we both deserve respect.
* More than a decade of research by The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University has found that the more often kids eat dinner with their families, the less like they are to smoke, drink or use drugs.

The little and consistent deposits will eventually reap cumulative benefits for the family.

* Paolo & Jen Punzalan are family counselors and part of the Victory Christian Fellowship. They are loving parents to Nathan, Janina, Ryan and Joaquin. Paolo and Jen coaches on leadership, discipleship, family and next generation advocates. More readings from the Punzalans can be found at http://www.paolopunzalan.com/

After school one day, my 8-year-old daughter came up to me with a smile. She said she was given the role of a “Team Leader.” I nonchalantly congratulated her and asked what her duties were. She answered, “When class starts, I distribute their books. When we’re finished, I collect them and put them back in the cubbyholes.” As expected, her kuya butts in: “That’s not a leader, that’s a slave!”

Teachers too often call on the usual outspoken students to act as leaders, and the rest of the class simply accept their ‘follower’ roles as a given, until they graduate. In the few years I’ve taught, and even as a trainer in the corporate setting, I’ve always made it a point to draw the shy ones out of their shells. Whether it’s an honest-to-goodness project planning task or a simple monitoring assignment, everyone should be given the chance to take a shot at assuming responsibility and making decisions for the group.

What, then, are the qualities of a good child leader, and how can you develop these in your own kids?

A leader is liked and respected by the group. Usually, respect follows exemplary academic achievement. However, if your child is an average student, he can earn brownie points in the likeability department instead, by being helpful to his peers.

A leader is often asked for suggestions. When at home, always have healthy discussions about topics that interest your kids and make sure each one can put in his two cents’ worth.

A leader can sense the needs of others. A leader does not impose what he wants but instead collates everyone’s input and helps them accomplish what they want. Observe how your child interacts with peers during playtime: You’ll see that leaders come in many forms – there’s the one who assigns roles, and one who modifies the rules to make the game more exciting; there are even those who interject that the rules are unfair to the physically smaller kids – these are the ‘nurturers’ – and nurturers make great leaders as well, because they are concerned about the welfare of others.

A leader jumps at the chance to participate in activities. I belong to a group composed of Gerry Roxas Leadership Awardees – these are the students who have been selected as the outstanding leaders of their high school graduating classes. Unlike other groups I’m a member of, this one is particularly unique because there is no need for finger pointing when it comes to selecting a group leader – they eagerly volunteer. Suggestions freely pour forth, and the challenge is not how to elicit ideas but how to rein them in!

Getting passive kids to participate, much less lead, in classroom or extracurricular activities takes some effort on your part. You can develop a sense of responsibility in him by giving him important chores, such as writing out this week’s grocery list or organizing an out-of-town family trip. If the job is done well, compliment accordingly to boost his confidence.

Above all, always instill in your child good moral values, as these are what many so-called leaders of our society today sorely lack. It’s never too late to help your child grow into an outstanding leader – after all, leaders are made, not born.

*Linette Paras is a freelance writer and editor. She has a degree in Microbiology, is a licensed professional teacher, and is currently working on her thesis towards an MA in Education. She authored an ebook entitled The Internet Freelancing Manual, which she hopes could help other parents successfully work from home and in the process spend more quality time with their kids.

“Traffic… too bad nakakabad-trip!”

Being stuck in traffic is not the best way to spend one’s day, but take this opportunity to bond with your kids. Here are some things you can do with the family while waiting in the car:

1. PLAY SOME GAMES!

Traffic won’t be so boring if you can play some games and laugh! Here are some of our favorite games to play:

Team Storytelling – one person begins by creating the first line of a story (the most common is “Once upon a time…” but be more creative!). The next person adds another line to the story, and each person takes turns making the story creative and funny. Try making up a story where the main characters are members of the family, and see where the adventure takes you.

License Plate – come up with a phrase or name using the license plates on the car next to you. For example, “EIC” could be “eat ice cream” or “Edward Irving Cruz.”
20 Questions – also known locally as “Pinoy Henyo!” Just try to guess what the person is thinking, or the word on a chosen piece of paper, using twenty questions. The other person should only answer with a “yes” or “no.”

Connect the Stars – a great game for the not so young and the family movie buff, like us. Think of two Hollywood stars and connect them through the different movies they’ve done. This is also called Six Degrees of Separation, and bonus points if Kevin Bacon is involved.

2. PLAY SOME MUSIC – WITH A TWIST!

The iPod and other mp3 players tend to isolate kids from their parents as they enter their own little world within their headsets. Share your favorite tunes with the rest of the car passengers with these fun activities:

Play “Car Idol!” – Our kids are singers, and “Car Idol!” lets them show off their singing abilities. Of course, they complain when we start singing…

Play “Name That Tune” – Plug in your iPod on the car’s stereo system and try to guess the title of the song when the first bars of music is played. Our kids can name all of Michael Jackson’s songs in one note!

Be the Car DJ – Take turns playing your favorite tunes, so everyone gets to hear something new and different. For the parents, share your love of the classics like the Beatles, Sinatra or some New Wave, then let your kids have their turn and play their favorite songs from “High School Musical” or Paramore. This way, you learn to appreciate each other’s musical taste.

3. REVIEW SCHOOL LESSONS!

In her talk on “Academic Excellence,” Queena Chua Lee shared the story of a dad and how he insisted on driving his kids to and from school. During the car trip (and traffic!), he would go over the subjects and homework of his kids, making sure the child understands the subject matter especially if it’s a lesson that isn’t quite easy.

While a thorough review of lessons can be a serious matter, try making it fun with these activities:
“I Spy…” – a review of colors, shapes, and alphabet for pre-schoolers can be fun when playing “I Spy…” Try looking for an object on the road and challenge the kids with “I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter S!” (Stoplight) The person who guesses correctly goes next.

Read/Count Everything You See – practice your pre-school kids’ reading and counting skills by making them read all the billboards and signs they see, and count how many buses and jeepneys they encounter from the house to school.

Local History On The Road – You can also teach your kids a little about their local history by talking about the landmarks and road names they pass by each day. Our kids know all about the EDSA Revolution and who Manuel L. Quezon is just by passing through the People Power Monument and Quezon Circle every week.

The Geography Game – refresh your geography lesson by naming any place in the world (Paris, for example). The next person has to come up with a place that begins with the last letter of the first location. So, in this case, the next place would have to start with “S,” like “South Africa.”

Family Spelling Bee – find out who the best speller in the family is. This is always a good way to widen your vocabulary but be sure to tailor the words to the child’s age level.

Family Jeopardy – can be used for any topic, lesson or subject to be reviewed. Don’t forget to answer with a question.

4. TALK TO YOUR KIDS!

If you are a busy parent, each minute with your kid is precious, so make the most of your confined space and extra time. Being stuck in traffic often becomes our opportunity to have one-on-one talks with our kids, where nothing leaves the car. Get to know your kids once more – ask them how they are, what they’ve done in school, how they feel… just talk to them!

Dennis and Monica Poliquit are proud parents to 5 children, 4 of which are twins (2 sets). Dennis is the radio personality more popularly known as Big Daddy Jake of Magic 89.9 while Monica is the Assistant Editor for they magazine, Modern Teacher.

If anyone claims that being a parent is easy, that person is either not a parent or is in denial. Don’t get me wrong, being a parent is one of the most fulfilling things that can ever happen to us.

The joys of parenthood can’t be explained by words, one must experience it to be able to understand how parents like me can feel blessed. Still, parenthood is no walk in the park. A few days ago, my friends and I were discussing our fears as parents and it was one energetic discussion, if I may say. There were many parenting issues we discussed, from letting our kids date, allowances, teachers, books and even canteen food. When we parents start talking about our kids, we can get to be very passionate.

We can get clueless when it comes to raising our kids. My pastor Dennis Sy even started blogging about his experiences and challenges as a dad which he aptly called Clueless Daddy (check out his blog site at http://cluelessdaddy.wordpress.com/). Another site I frequently read is the site of Paolo Punzalan at http://paolopunzalan.com/ as he also writes about his experiences raising four kids, among other things.
So what are the top concerns of parents? My friends and I had a long discussion and we had many concerns but we all agreed on our top three—academic excellence, formation of values and education funding.
One aspect directly deals with personal finance (education funding), the other deals with proper parenting (formation of values) and the other one can be deemed as a combination of both personal finance and parenting (academic excellence).

When discussing about academic excellence, we wondered how well our kids fare at school. Among some of the questions: Is the school teaching them enough? Are they being taught too much? Is what they are learning going to prepare them in the real world? Is today’s education good?

Parents with schoolchildren are so concerned about the education of their kids because they feel that how they perform in school will determine their success in life. Is it really? Well, the answer to that is definitely a relative one.

An equally big concern my friends and I talked about was values. We often wonder if our kids will have good values so they can live a morally upright life. Parents often fear issues relating to values such as teen pregnancy, rebellion, drugs, alcohol, smoking and so on. I often hear many parents complain about how wild the new generation is and how they have become “out of control.” Well, the older generation thought that our generation was wild back then, so I suppose this is a natural thing. Still, the issues on values of our kids are giving many parents sleepless nights.

Last, another big concern is paying for the schooling of our kids. It seems that now, more than ever, the educational budget of most families are ballooning with the ever-increasing cost of tuition and other education-related expenses. It is not only the tuition and other fees that are a concern for many parents. A big issue with parents is also the cost of tutors. Some kids have tutoring costs that are even greater than tuition costs! If the educational costs will eat up bulk of the family’s budget, quality of life will definitely be affected.

There are no magic solutions for these concerns, no tried-and-tested formula. However, we can learn from the experiences of others who went through similar concerns. In the end, we must take comfort that if we do our best to raise our children and with the Lord in the center of our family lives, we can be assured that we will be raising kids who will bring us immeasurable joy and vice-versa. “Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children” (Proverbs 17:6, NIV).

Schooltalk.ph presents “Today’s Issues on Academic Excellence, Values Formation and Education Funding” with Francis Kong, Queena Chua Lee and yours truly. This is a free event and will be on August 15, from 1 to 5 p.m. at the Eastwood Cinema. If you are interested to attend this program, you will need to register by going to www.schooltalk.ph.

Randell Tiongson is a personal-finance coach and educator. He is a director of the Registered Financial Planner Institute (Philippines) and has over 20 years’ experience in the financial-services industry. He is also the cofounder of http://www.income-tacts.com/, the country’s premier personal-finance online community. For speaking engagements, training and consultancy, send an e-mail to randellt@gmail.com. To read his personal-finance blogs, visit http://www.randelltiongson.com/. The opinion and views expressed herein are solely those of the author’s and do not necessarily reflect those of the Personal Finance Advisers Philippines Corp. or the Registered Financial Planner Institute.

Today’s Issues on Academic Excellence, Values Formation & Education Funding

A parenting seminar that talks about parenting issues on: Academic Excellence, Values Formation & Education Funding.

Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009
Time: 1:00pm – 5:00pm
Location: Eastwood Cinema
City/Town: Quezon City, Philippines

Featuring:

The Educator – QUEENA CHUA LEE

The Personal Finance Coach – RANDELL TIONGSON

The Inspiration Guru – FRANCIS KONG

To register, join our forum and just input your FULL NAME and e-mail address in this post (click the link).

At the 1924 Olympic Games in Paris, the sport of canoe racing was added to the list of international competitions. The favorite team in the four-man canoe race was the United States team. One member of that team was a young man by the name of Bill Havens. As the time for the Olympics neared, it became clear that Bill’s wife would give birth to their first child about the time that the US team would be competing in the Paris games. And so Bill found himself in a dilemma.

Should he go to Paris and risk not being at his wife’s side when their baby was born? Or should he withdraw from the team and remain with his family?

Bill’s wife insisted that he go to Paris. After all, competing in the Olympics was the culmination of a life-long dream. But Bill felt conflicted and, after much soul-searching, decided to withdraw from the competition and remain home where he could support his wife when the child arrived. As it turned out, the United States four-man canoe team won the gold medal in Paris. And Bill’s wife was late in giving birth to their child. The birth was so late, in fact, that Bill could have competed in the event and returned home in time to be with her when she delivered.

People said, “What a shame.” But Bill said he had no regrets. For the rest of his life, he believed he had made the better decision. Bill Havens knew what was most important to him. There is an interesting sequel to the story.

The child eventually born to Bill and his wife was a boy, whom they named Frank. Twenty-eight years later, in 1952, Bill received a cablegram from Frank. It was sent from Helsinki, Finland, where the 1952 Olympics were being held. The cablegram read: “Dad, I won. I’m bringing home the gold medal you lost while waiting for me to be born.”

Frank Havens had just won the gold medal for the United States in the canoe-racing event, a medal his father had dreamed of winning but never did.

Once a champion always a champion if not now then through the next generation.

This beautiful story by Steve Goodier in his E-newsletter entitled “The Life Support System” reminds us of what is most important in life.

I have a great relationship with my son.

Two years ago, the two of us co-wrote a book on “Paren-teen” and we had fun doing it. The book is entitled: “Why don’t you grow up…dad!”

I’m proud of him and I see the maturity he shows as the years go by.

He’s into a lot of things now. Totally business minded he enjoys working for a very successful company doing marketing stuffs and meanwhile pursues his passion for music as he plays the drums for a fast rising popular band. He’s into sports too. He does Brazilian jujitsu, Capuera and boxing and the day he went into martial arts was the day I have decided to be kinder to him.

He tells me he wants to have his own family by the time he hits 30 so that’s a good many years away but that is the precise reason why I am so careful with the way I live. I have to be an example to him because I want him to have a successful family too.

He sees me as a businessman and he likes to be one too and that’s good.

He sees me taking good care of my health and he does the same thing and that’s good too.

But the one thing I want to see in him is that he will have a God-centered family one day and this is why I need to make sure that mine is today.

My son and I know that real men are not those you see fooling around with other women; real men are those who are big enough and brave enough to stay true to their roles as a faithful husband to his wife and a diligent father to his kids.

HERE ARE THE TEN TOP THINGS THAT MAKE A REAL MAN:

10. Comes home directly from work knowing his “real” job is about to start.
9. Is not afraid to get down on hands and knees and play “horsie”.
8. Kisses his children and shows them a man can be gentle.
7. Kisses his wife in front of his children so the children can be secure in the
knowledge of a united home.
6. Hugs his family and says “I love you.”
5. Is not afraid to cry.
4. Goes with his family to church.
3. Values the advice of his wife.
2. Starts each day with a “quiet time”, talking to the Lord.

And the number one thing:

1. Willing to give his own life for his family.

The question now is how are you doing in this list?

Take advantage of every season to be with your family. You have to plan and schedule time with your family well just as you do with business commitments. Let the words of businessman Lee Iacocca be a reminder for all of us for this is what he says: “No matter what you’ve done for yourself or for humanity, if you can’t look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?”

Francis J. Kong is the country’s leading motivational and inspirational speaker and trainer. He is also of 10 best-selling books and writes his own column at the Philippine Star. Francis Kong has an award-winning radio program over DZFE. Francis is the proud father of 3 wonderful children. For more information about Francis Kong, log on to www.franciskong.com

First off, I really appreciate the comments readers left after reading the first installment of the “Superteeth” series. Thank you for that!

Last week I answered the question “When should we brush our teeth?”. This time, I’d like to go deeper into oral care by tackling preventive measures to help take care of those Superteeth.

Most of dental patients, after having finished all their dental works ask the dentist, “What should I avoid eating to have good oral health?”

There’s a lot of food and drinks out there that give knock out Superteeth, so to speak. The usual culprits are household names: candies, chocolate, sodas, acidic foods and so on. These type of foods stick to the tooth for a long period of time, and, because of their sweet flavor, kids have a higher tendency to forget about brushing them off at all.

Studies have shown that eating or drinking sugar-loaded beverages also increase saliva’s acidity for a short period of time. That’s a dangerous point to consider, particularly for people with acidic saliva, who have more chances to get dental cavities. A good tip would be to check the pH of you or your kids’ saliva, by buying pH paper available in any drugstore.

To fix this problem, you should make sure your saliva is neutral by taking lots of water. Make sure your kid has a water jug always, having juice in their water jug is a no-no!

A whiter smile would also mean avoiding anything with caffeine. That means no softdrinks for kids! This goes for the adults too. Now, many people equate caffeine with yellow teeth, but don’t panic when seeing that yellow color. This doesn’t necessarily mean a bad thing. Healthy permanent teeth is more on the yellowish color, than white. Only our primary (milk) teeth are in natural white in color.

Lastly, eating a well balanced meal is very important. Meat, fish and sodas are highly acidic, while vegetable are alkaline in nature. Having them all on your plate will help maintain those Superteeth. Not only will you protect your children’s teeth but also protect their overall health!

At the end of the day, kids can eat anything they want—as long as it’s balanced, good for their bodies, and most importantly, as long as they brush their teeth afterwards. To help you with list of acidic and alkaline food, check out http://www.energiseforlife.com/list_of_alkaline_foods.php.

This segments purpose is to educated parents in regards to their children’s oral health. Watch out for the next post, that will answer the question to “What do dentist’s do to prevent tooth decay?”

Dr. Bu Buenazedacruz’ Dental Clinic is located at 52 Villa Ortigas Granada St. Q.C. You can contact him through 721 89 37 or 725 00 77. You can also email him at bubs_elite@yahoo.com.

“Mom, please sit down, let’s have a chat.” I was in my usual screensaver mode, with eyes ogled in front of my monitor. My peripheral vision caught the beguiling image of my 5 year old daughter with her mouth open, impatient to let the kernels of her story be heard.

“Please wait, I need to finish….”

“But mom! This can’t wait!” I knew even before I finished my sentence that this was not an acceptable answer. I’ve lived with my daughter 5 years, 2 months, 14 days and 5 hours enough to know that when she wants to host a talk show, everyone has to listen. The last time I checked with Dr. Spock, parents are still expected to hold regular family bonding sessions. And for our family, bonding times consisted of conversations and storytelling sessions. These were sacred rituals to us. To keep the important occasion of telling stories from slipping away too quickly, we’ve spiced up our family story times by gathering together around a mat and reciting the storyteller’s chant. Everyone in the family has to share a story — an office story, a fairy tale, a story about friends or even a tall tale. When it’s time to transmute our fabulous ideas into the viable format of a storyline, all eyes, ears and hearts have to be committed to the process.

Last night was no different, story time cannot be breached. But I was busy. I had an important deadline to meet.

“Go on, tell me your story,” I urged her.

“Mom, I won’t start. If you want to listen, your eyes should look into mine. That’s what listening is. ”

I looked at my daughter with a smile. Those were the exact same words I used when she looked away while I ranted about her behavior every time she did something wrong. Looking at how desperate she was for an audience, my thoughts drifted back 3 years ago when I gave a workshop at the Chicago National Storyteller’s Congress. There, I met John, a storyteller who predicted that my daughter will grow up to be another storyteller. “Why?” I asked, curious since he had not met her before. John replied, “Because she has the GIFT OF GAB.” John was referring to the prophecy of a name. You see, my daughter’s name is GABBY. The gift of the gab is given to those who talk a lot. The primitive Celtic word for mouth was Gab, but the expression is more likely based on the Middle English Gabbe meaning “idle talk”. True enough, Gabby grew up enjoying language. I’ve kept a diary of her delicious anecdotes where stories for this column will spring from in the next weeks to come.

So last night, I was deciding whether to leave Gabby alone in her idle talk or to reward her persistence with my undivided attention. Seeing how telling stories has helped Gabby enrich her language skills, I had to stop working and had to invest more time for something that she and I both value: stories. Gabby grew up in a language-rich environment. Being a storyteller and writer myself helped since she was immersed in a print-rich environment. Our love for narratives continue to build up minute by minute, page by page.

When Gabby was 2 years old, she composed a story about a giraffe in a library that met a snake that hissed through a house with a caterpillar inside it that bit the wheels of a car and that left the wheels of the car flat. At two years, she was able to create her own story with good rhythm and exciting sounds, very similar to the tale of The House that Jack Built. In fact, literary experts called this type of story a cumulative tale. Now at age 5, my daughter enjoys reading various narrative genres like trickster tales, fractured fairy tales, Dr. Seuss nonsensical rhymes, folktales, myths, legends and contemporary realistic fiction. When she was big enough to assemble a string of words, one of the first sentences she told me was “Mommy, read me a story.” She learned to complain early in life, too. “Mommy, you read fast. Your stories are short!”
She passed on this addiction to stories to her one year old sister, Dani. Dani now chatters endlessly and enjoys stories with lots of 3’s in them: The Three Bears, The Three Blind Mice, The Three Little Pigs and so on.

In both work and home, I discovered that with stories, children are no longer voiceless. Words should be encouraged to come bountifully, bringing with them a sense of wonder and strength. I enjoy telling stories because I found that they do not only create a sense of mystery and of wonder among children, they also create relationships. Furthermore, it gives them a context for words which would otherwise sound “big” to a non reader. Just think about the range of language a child encounters in a story – the sound, the colour, the taste and the movement of words.

In my work, I get the chance to casually ask parents how they spend their time with their children. Parents usually complained about TV and computer robbing them off their precious moments of bonding with their children. As parents, we would want to keep our children away from TV as much as we possibly can and turn them to books. However, because we sometimes run out of breath and out of time doing our day jobs, TV seemed like a logical surrogate parent. I’ve learned never to compete with TV. Given a choice between story telling and television viewing, I’d lose my day job hands down. It’s like asking a child to choose between chocolates and vegetables. But be wary of too much TV viewing. Statistics showed that a child’s school scores begin to drop after about 10 TV hours a week. So, set the rules and limit TV viewing.

If our children’s source of life and breath is the remote control device, it’s never too late to get them to enjoy reading stories. Children do become what we believe they are. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy for them. If we believe that children have short attention spans and we don’t expose them to long and complicated books or tell them good stories, we are depriving them of the language learning they need to prepare them for 21st century communication.

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And here’s to parents who get tired of their children’s nonstop stories, DON’T! Standards, as well as habits are formed early. Children need to be guided towards creating stories, sentences, books and pictures. So keep on inviting them to conversations and carry on the rich tradition of passing stories, even our own family stories.

One of my favourite authors, Roald Dahl said, “A stodgy parent is not fun at all. What a child deserves is someone who is sparky!” I say, let’s sweat our brows, be sparky and blow our children’s minds with stories. Share the gift of gab to our children, young and old. Try and make story time a family ritual and see if it works…for after all the proof of the pudding is in the eating. Enjoy your children’s delicious bowl of stories and watch out for more of mine, too. In the meantime, Gabby wants to pick a kernel from her own bowl and I’m all ears.

Cherry Pua-Africa is the managing director of Never Ending Story Singapore. She is a teacher trainer and a storyteller with a masters degree in Education. She has conducted workshops around the region and is a consultant in various schools in the USA, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand and the Philippines. She has produced storytelling CDs, written award winning books, directed children’s plays and managed speech and drama centres and English language schools. At present, she’s living in Kuala Lumpur with two chatty daughters and a loving husband. Cherry can be reached at cherry@neverendstory,com or at 60123719910. You can visit her site at www.neverendstory.com

Our teeth are considered to be the strongest and hardest part of our body. But even the strongest one, like Superman, has a weakness. While Superman has kryptonite, our strongest tooth also falls apart with one weakness— dental caries, or what we more commonly know as cavities.

But the solution is simple: brush teeth. When? Every time we eat or drink, especially flavored beverages.

There are four causes of cavities:

1. The nature or formation of the tooth surface
2. bacteria inside our mouth that forms into what we call plaque (or tartar)
3. carbohydrates, which bacteria eats and ferments, causing our saliva to be acidic, and
4. the amount of time our teeth are exposed to these factors

So what do food and flavored beverages have to do with these? Research has shown that teeth start to de-mineralize or lose the calcium and other minerals about 30 seconds after we eat or drink flavored beverages. But before thinking of complicated ways to restore dental vanity, consider this: the best way is to prevent dental caries by brushing your teeth immediately after eating! There’s really no point in waiting an hour before brushing our teeth, knowing that they will start to become weak in less than a minute after eating.

For parents out there, a good tip to make brushing teeth easier for children, particularly active ones, is to make sure your child brings a toothbrush and toothpaste to school. (And not just bring them but use them!) I know that most kids don’t like brushing their teeth, they would rather play around and do some other things. But just like any other habit, we have to discipline and train them to do it.

And it doesn’t stop there. Parents have a great role in taking care of the child’s teeth. Make sure to check their teeth when they arrive home from school. It would also help them if they have some sort of consequence or a reward if they have been obedient or not. Do this also before going to sleep, since it is very important that our teeth be thoroughly clean before sleeping. (Look back to no.4!) Don’t let your kids say goodnight without you checking their teeth.

And lastly, parents have to be a good example. Children often imitate what their parents are doing. It is easier to teach them if they see you doing what you say. There should always be integrity to what we are saying.

The purpose of this segment is to educated parents in regards to their children’s oral health. Watch out for the next post, that will answer the question to “what should we eat to avoid dental cavities?”

Dr. Bu Buenazedacruz’ Dental Clinic is located at 52 Villa Ortigas Granada St. Q.C. You can contact him through 721 89 37 or 725 00 77. You can also email him at bubs_elite@yahoo.com.

In the corporate world, we are familiar with the maxim: “Praise in public; criticize in private.” This ‘rule’ becomes even more relevant in the context of the home, where our children’s confidence and self-esteem are first nurtured.

I come from a large family, and there was a time when my dad, a hardworking government employee, was sending seven kids to school simultaneously. Mornings were chaotic and so was dinnertime, when we would each clamor for the chance to relate our day’s small successes. Now that I have five kids of my own and we don’t always get the chance to have dinner together, we make full use of what I call “The Achievement Wall,” where the kids and I put up veritably anything that’s a source of pride for us.

It started 2 years ago with congratulatory messages from me, after my three younger kids placed in the Top Ten of their respective classes – this, despite being new transferees. As a mom, I could only commiserate back then with their distress over leaving old friends and adjusting to a new system, but I had to do something to express my appreciation of their effort.

Bit by bit, The Wall spawned all sorts of stuff – from medals in academic achievement to their dad’s golf scorecard (which I was tempted to remove, but hey – dads need recognition, too). My son in sixth grade would post his nomination to Student Government, and my 8-year-old daughter would counter with a photo of her in a dance recital. There would always be some teasing, of course, and this is where parents come in – to keep the putdowns in check. After all, The Wall is meant to be a challenge, not a dissing arena.

My two older sons, who are under a special program for the arts in their high school, have photos of their paintings and creations in Ceramics class, and side by side with those are oil pastels from my youngest son. The certificates, photos, test papers and whatnots are constantly replaced to make room for new ones.

When I find the time to take a break from my work, I try to bond with each kid and use The Achievement Wall as a conversation starter. They’re eager to share the story behind what they posted on The Wall, and from there, I ask questions about their difficulties, their expectations, and even about their crushes in school.

I do all my work from home, and The Wall is just to the left of my workstation. Perhaps it’s meant to be there to remind me that all the work I’m doing is for my children, whose achievements – no matter how small – are my biggest rewards.

*Linette Paras is a freelance writer and editor. She has a degree in Microbiology, is a licensed professional teacher, and is currently working on her thesis towards an MA in Education. She authored an ebook entitled The Internet Freelancing Manual, which she hopes could help other parents successfully work from home and in the process spend more quality time with their kids.

A few weeks into my “informal” homeschooling, I asked my 5½ year old daughter Gaby how she likes our program so far.

“It’s ok, Mama, but sometimes it’s boring,” she shared.
“Boring?!?” I asked.
“Yeah. You should put more activities.”

I had forgotten that my daughter was a child. I’ve been concentrating on checking my list of things for her to learn, that I forgot to put in more activities or play time in our daily schedule.

For a young child, play is important in their life and can be beneficial to their education. As parents of pre-schoolers, we sometimes take this for granted and cram in academic activities in hopes of creating a Baby Genius. Young children who take a heavy load of pen and paper activities that confines them to a desk tend to get burned out, and lose their interest in learning. For them, education becomes a chore.

Playtime aids in a child’s education by:

1. Developing his analytical and critical thinking skills. Board games, dominoes and puzzles can aid their problem solving skills. Explain to him how things work, but also allow him to explore things on his own (with supervision, of course!). My son, Joaquin, is currently learning all about cars and tools as his Papi (my father) fixes his cars and motorbikes.

2. Learning basic life lessons. Pretend play introduces children to the different occupations of the people in his neighborhood. Let them dress up in your old clothes, shoes and jewelry, and play house or supermarket. Join in the fun, and teach your kids about adult roles like washing clothes, cooking, caring for the baby and other responsibilities which they can apply later in life.

3. Encouraging his creative skills. Nothing beats a stack of recycled paper, a box of crayons and your child’s imagination! Finger painting, clay molding, and pencil scribbling are all fun. Provide your child with a box full of art supplies (paints, brushes, scissors, glue) and other knick knacks (cotton, uncooked macaroni), and let their imagination run wild! Display their art works for the family to admire as they beam with pride.

4. Creating an outlet for excess energy. Climbing and running are favorite activities for any child. Bring back the games you played when there were no computers, DVD’s and I-pods. Patintero, hopscotch, hide and seek, “Ice, Ice, Water,” and “Mother, may I?” are some of the childhood games I’ve taught my kids. Plus, it’s a great way to get some exercise!

5. Improving their language skills. Some concepts are easily memorized if they are taught through song and dance. Reading out loud enhances a child’s vocabulary. Reporting or story-telling encourages a child in communicating his thoughts and translating his ideas into words. Our favorite family past-time is telling each other our favorite part of the day’s events. Jaime is our favorite story teller – sometimes you see his actions and emotions before he tells the story!

6. Enhance their social development and character through interaction. A playground is the perfect place to help a child overcome his shyness and self-centeredness. He learns how to be patient when taking turns going down the slide, shares a toy with someone, and of course, how to deal with a playground bully. The best part is when they create friendships that last.

Playtime is a great way for children to practice the skills they learn in school, discover new ideas and interests, and develop a profound sense of self and independence.

Best of all, children aren’t daunted by school concepts when presented in a manner that is enjoyable. Learning has never been so much fun!

Dennis and Monica Poliquit are proud parents to 5 children, 4 of which are twins (2 sets). Dennis is the radio personality more popularly known as Big Daddy Jake of Magic 89.9 while Monica is the Assistant Editor for they magazine, Modern Teacher.

As parents, we are always concerned about the welfare of our children. Since birth, we have cared for them and have nothing but the best intentions for them. It is also in the prayers of every parent that their children will have a good future.

Sometime ago, my daughter was in a dilemma as to what she will be taking in college. Just when I was about to talk to my daughter to persuade her to take courses that I think are great and starting to have the ‘mothers know best’ instincts, I resisted.

While my daughter is still too young for her to be totally independent, she was already of old enough to make decisions that will affect her future. With much difficulty, I am realizing that my participation in my daughter’s life decreases as she begins to spread her wings and experience the real world. My husband and I decided to slowly give her some limited independence and to start shifting to advising her, as against telling her.

Truth to be told, I still wanted to greatly influence her with her decision on her college course. We are now just talking about a dress to be worn here or a hair style but a decision that will have a tremendous impact on her life. In my mind, I felt that I have more experience with the real world for me to make a better decision as to what course would be better for her. It felt that deciding for her was the more logical thing to do. Or is it?

As a parent, I realize that our parenting style changes as our children grow. Our children’s dependence on us diminishes as they get older so we must cede our ‘control’ on them gradually but timely. My daughter is not a child anymore and while I appreciate the fact that she always asks for my opinion, I am now confident that she can make decisions on her own and I can only offer advice. There is a big danger that my daughter will not like the course I will prefer and that will mean a resentment which will most likely affect her performance in school. Further, my life experiences differ from hers and my circumstances and environment are totally different as compared to hers. Can we safely say that we are in a better position to make that decision for our children? What if we are wrong?

As parents, we need to take credit for what we have done for our children. We have done our part in rearing them and supporting them so we must have faith that we have done our part well enough to raise them as responsible children who can distinguish right from wrong, and can decide their own fate. I know that ceding control is never easy but that’s just the way it is. Let us trust our children and offer a prayer for them. We have done our part, it is time for them to do theirs.

By the way, my daughter is already a freshman at De La Salle–CSB and she absolutely loves the course she decided to take up… a decision she made all by herself.

“…children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children. (Proverbs 17:6)”

Mia Mapa Tiongson is a mother to four children ages 17, 15, 7 and 4. She is Financial Planner and also the co-owner of Quick Plate, a food catering business. Although she has business ventures, she is first and foremost a supportive wife and mother above everything else.

So what’s the problem with the pressures of education? Well, if we put nearly all our resources in it, we tend to neglect other things that are important, such as retirement. Let me use myself as an example. I have four kids. If I opt to send all of them to über-expensive schools at our current income level, I will not only neglect our retirement, I will be broke. My wife and I will not have resources to be able live a quality life after our kids leave the nest. As my youngest graduates, I will be retired. The pressures of financing their education will drain us to a point that as soon as I retire, my wife and I will be dependents. The question is, dependent on whom? Our kids? Isn’t that unfair to them? With the pressures of surviving, it will be severely difficult for them to take care of us while making a life for themselves. Isn’t that very irresponsible of me and my wife, as well?

Solution? Well, priorities and common sense. Yes, education is our priority as parents, but so is preparing for our own future. Let us not sacrifice our future in the guise of education. Look for balance, there are many other practical solutions. Look for schools that offer quality education without the hefty price tag. The success of a child does not come from the school but from the home. One study proved parents, grandparents and other older members of the family are better tutors than those expensive tutors or tutorial schools.

Another practical suggestion: Home School. If done properly, home schooling can help children fare better in life compared with those who went to expensive schools. Both husband and wife need to work to make ends meet; with educational costs taking a drain, it may make more sense if the wife stays home and home- schools the kids. Most mothers I speak to will often tell me that had it not been for financial pressures, they’d rather stay home and take care of their kids. Do the math: If you spend about P300,000 on education for all your kids and the mother makes just about P300,000, it is financially feasible to just home-school the kids.

Moms can take a job from the house or start a home business, as well, while taking care of kids, including their education. Fathers can help too; there are many things husbands should be doing to help wives—taking care of the kids should be up there especially when you decide to try home schooling. There are many good Department of Education-accredited home-school programs around at a fraction of the cost of normal big-school education. I’ve met a lot of home schooled kids who are doing great – smart, grounded, has great values and strong leadership. There are many successful stories around. CCF and Victory Christian Fellowship have really good home-school programs. They also have regular interactive programs that allow home-school kids to interact with each other. Imagine the savings if you home-school your kids. . . better yet, invest the money you saved from education and see it grow. . . . You will have more than enough for your retirement, for health care—with some extra to leave for your kids. Set aside part of the savings for their college education, as well, and invest it well. I guess I’ll do a follow-up article on tips on investing for the education of our kids. You can get many practical tips from http://www.income-tacts.com/ on educational investing.

Well, I did mention that I still have two more kids, Riggs and Chino, my wife and I are now home schooling them. I am sure we will be better teachers to our own children. . . so will you. Our decision to home-school our boys will allow us time to properly take care of our daughters’ college education. . . prepare for the boys’ colleges, save for retirement and hopefully enjoy quality living. It’s not good to worry, but it’s great to plan.

Register now in the official SCHOOL TALK FORUM and join the discussion!

*J. Randell Tiongson is a personal-finance coach and educator and the president and COO of Personal Finance Advisers Philippines Corp. He is a director of the Registered Financial Planning Institute Philippines and has been engaged in the various facets of the financial services industry for over two decades. He is also the cofounder ofwww.income-tacts.com, an interactive site dedicated to the financial literacy of every Pinoy. For inquiries on training, speaking engagements, financial planning and consultancy, you may send an e-mail to randellt@gmail.com. You can also check his site at www.randelltiongson.com.

Sarah, a 4-year old girl was given a clear directive by her mom not to get cookies from the cookie jar for it was almost time for supper. But since Sarah loved cookies so much, she was tempted to sneak into the kitchen and try to get at least one piece. But as she was sneaking one out from the cookie jar, her mother comes in the kitchen and asks, “Sarah, what are you doing?” Quickly putting both hands behind her back to try to hide the cookie she said, “Mom, what do you mean? There’s nothing in my hands. I don’t have a cookie behind my back.” Of course, her mom confronts her and tells her that she was caught in the act. To this, Sarah replies, “But mom, it’s really not my fault. Really! I was just trying to smell the cookies but it got stuck between my teeth.”

How can kids come up with these kinds of stories? Who taught them? How did they get this “creative”? Here are three truths about lying that would help us understand our kids better.

TRUTH NO. 1: LYING CAN START EARLY
Do not be surprised when your young child comes to you one day with a story that is completely not true. Our eldest child was only 4 when he told his first lie. Of course we couldn’t believe that our cute, sweet and adorable son would be capable of doing such a thing! But after talking to other parents with far more experience than us, we learned that our son was not an isolated case. Children as young as 3 or 4 years old are capable of lying.

Basically, there are four reasons a child lies: To keep their parents happy, to stay out of trouble, to avoid embarrassment often related to low self-esteem, or because they want attention. Children may fabricate a story about something good they did in school to please their parents. Or if they know they had done something wrong, they may give you another version of what really happened to avoid the punishment. They may also say some things about themselves that are not true so they can belong or be accepted by other kids. Or simply children may lie because their parents haven’t been spending time with them and this is the only way to get their parents to listen to them.

TRUTH NO. 2 LYING SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN LIGHTLY
Children will lie at one time or another. How we as parents handle their lying will determine how honest and truthful they will grow up in the future. In our house, we have established clear boundaries we expect from our children to follow strictly. One of them is, “You have to be truthful at all times.” While our society and culture might justify some amount of lying, we do not tolerate it in our home. We want our children to learn early in their lives that lying has serious consequences.

The foundation for every relationship is trust. Lying breaks that trust. Lying damages our relationships. We want our children to grow up enjoying healthy relationships with others that is why it is one of our priorities to teach them the value of truthfulness and honesty. People who lie think that lying will make things better for them. But actually lying can lead to bigger, and more serious problems if not dealt with properly.
We have made it clear to our children that when they tell a lie, unpleasant consequences follow. If we don’t discipline them when they lie, they will think that it is okay to lie and chances are they will lie again. And if they continue to lie through adulthood, the consequences will be far more unpleasant and severe. We remember when one of our children told us that she didn’t want to have her chewable vitamin C anymore. She said that she just preferred the other kind that adults took. We wondered why she had said this ‘coz we knew how much she loved those chewable vitamins. The day after, we found the bottle of her chewable vitamins in her room empty. She had finished them all in one day! She didn’t want us to find out so she lied about not wanting them anymore. We sat down with her and had a long talk about what she did. She knew she deliberately told a lie to get out of trouble. Because of what she did, we did not give her chewable vitamins for 2 months and she was stuck with the not-so-yummy formulation. Since that day, she has not told another lie.

TRUTH NO. 3 LYING CAN BE UNLEARNED
If your child has developed the habit of lying, the good news is it can be unlearned. Our kids can be taught how to be truthful at all times. If we start early and constantly emphasize honesty and truthfulness in our homes, our kids will eventually learn that lying is not an option.

There are two ways we can train our kids to be truthful. First is to reward honesty. We have to make our children realize that it is always better to tell the truth. Whenever they honestly admit some things to us, we need to appreciate them for it. Verbally affirm them for telling the truth (“I’m so proud of you for telling the truth!”). And at times, even reward them with something tangible like additional allowance or a small toy. This constant reinforcement will encourage them to always be truthful.

The second way to train our kids to be truthful is for us parents to exemplify truthfulness. Set a good example for your children. Be truthful and honest in your own everyday behavior. Never ask your children to lie for you (”Tell him I’m not home”). Let your children see you go out of your way to be honest: for example, if a clerk gives you too much change, point it out and return it. Admit your own mistakes and let your children see how you rectify them. Parental example is very powerful. If you expect your child to be honest, you must show her how. Remember, your child is learning from you at all times. Be sure the lessons you are teaching are the right ones! What we do today will make a great impact tomorrow.

Register now in the official SCHOOL TALK FORUM and join the discussion!

* Paolo & Jen Punzalan are family counselors and part of the Victory Christian Fellowship. They are loving parents to Nathan, Janina, Ryan and Joaquin. Paolo and Jen coaches on leadership, discipleship, family and next generation advocates. More readings from the Punzalans can be found at http://www.paolopunzalan.com/

The unconventional has often caught my attention—and that’s probably how my interest in home schooling began.

Before compulsory school attendance laws were implemented, most children were educated at home, by their own parents. That, quite simply, is what home education or home schooling is—the education of children at home rather than in an institution such as a public or private school. Sadly though, today, education is left mainly to institutions and simply overseen (if at all) by parents.

In the recent years I have had a chance to interact with numerous home-schooled children from different year levels and classes of life. These experiences have shattered the ever-popular notion about a home-schooled child being shy. I found them to be quite normal—no, actually many were exceptionally confident in speaking with adults and their peer. They were respectful, curious, friendly, caring…even funny. Could it be because they have more opportunities to interact with different kinds of people and not just their classmates, day in and day out?

The more I found out about home schooling, the more I considered it for my own children. I started to interview parents, teachers and school principals. I have met home-schooled children who were average and some, indeed, not very sociable. On the other hand, a significant number of those who eventually entered local/international high schools/universities performed exceptionally well in academics, leadership and sports.

I think the success of the whole process depends almost entirely on how dedicated are the parents to the growth and education of their children. Home schooling will demand a significant amount of time, patience and effort from the parent(s).

After a couple of years of consideration, my husband, Allen and I finally decided to take the leap and become the teachers of our two children Nicholas (then 10, grade 5) and Mikaela (then 9, grade 3).

A few months after we made the decision, I was already convinced that we made the right choice.

Here are common reasons why children are not home schooled:

1. Parents have never heard of home schooling or don’t know what it is really all about.

2. Parents feel ill-equipped, inadequate (not enough patience) or ineffective to teach their own children.

3. Parents are working full time/busy with other matters.

4. Parents believe the entire process of home schooling is inadequate for developing well-rounded individuals.

5. Parents believe home schooling will deprive their children of experiences necessary for the latter’s social/emotional growth.

6. Parents think home schooling is only for the handicapped or children of movie stars/ missionaries.

Here, on the other hand, are some of what I consider to be serious benefits of home schooling:

Flexible time—Parents involved in home schooling know it is important to keep regular school hours to establish routine and discipline. Occasionally, however, when the kids did not get to meet bedtime, you can easily move the start of classes from 7am to 8am, or 2pm! You can extend classes for two hours everyday so you can get Friday off … every week! You can have 10-minute or two-hour breaks. You can spend more hours for Science today or less hours for Language tomorrow, depending on the interest of the child, momentum of the day, importance of the topic. It’s all up to you, the teacher!

Low tuition fees—Enrollment fees for home schooling programs are only about 20 % of regular school. Textbook costs may double if parents opt to buy teacher’s guides or several books per subject, but they will also get to save on other items, such as gasoline, side trips, allowance, uniforms, shoes and travel time! What, then, do you do with the savings? For one, you can take your children (and your spouse) to new places such as museums, parks, orphanages, prisons and resorts. Go way up North to see Batanes or down South to visit Palawan—without losing track of your goal, i.e. to educate your child.

Portable classroom—Yet another unbeatable fact about home schooling is that you can take your lessons anywhere. You can hold classes in your makeshift classroom, Starbucks, the car, or in Boracay! The beach can be your classroom for a week! After all, you can now buy tickets at lean season rates, rather than go with the crowd when school is out during December, Holy Week or Summer Vacation. Your children will appreciate Science more when you use live objects! Allow nature to inspire the artists within them while watching the clouds roll by just outside the Callao Caves in Cagayan. Point out natives of each region you visit to help them appreciate our heritage!

Real-life experiences—If I compiled FAQs about Homeschooling, “What about socialization?” would surely rank No. 1. I like how Ann Fisher put it in her book entitled, Homeschooling in Oregon. She said, “Spending fifty percent of your waking hours with thirty children the same age is not real life socialization.” While children in regular schools may have other children to play with everyday, homeschooled children have much greater opportunities to interact with children (and adults) of different ages, in different settings. Being a realtor, I once had to show a condo unit to my clients, a couple. They had with them their four -year old son, so I asked my daughter to watch the boy while I attended to my clients. The flexibility of a homeschoolers schedule provides a venue for more varied experiences. These and many other experiences are what I call real-life socialization.

Excellent student-teacher ratio—A lot of people think 15:1 is an excellent student-teacher ration. I think that’s acceptable. 1:1 is excellent. Homeschooled children have their teacher’s complete attention. They are not intimidated to ask questions, and even if the questions are not immediately answered, they are immediately addressed. This is encouraging for children and it prompts more questions in their minds (Adriano, et al. 2004).

You get to choose the textbooks. Have you ever felt disappointed over a textbook, which your child is using? Do you know there are better books out there? You can review the various books available (and there are a lot) and choose those that you believe are best suited for your child. You may use several books, for one subject. You are not restricted to your child’s year level, either. If your child is quite advance in a certain subject, why not use the next year level’s book for her? In the same way, you can use a lower level book for the subjects your child is struggling with.

Boundless opportunities for learning—The whole city (or the whole world, for that matter) is a home-schooled child’s classroom. He is not stuck between four walls every day of the school year. Once in a while, you can (and should) take him to a place he’s never been. Bring your child to a wet market one day, have a waffle with him at a Shangri-la’s lobby the next. Bring her to the Gardenia factory, watch with him as they make pizza in Sbarro. Have her watch that liquid sugar coat Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Have him fill out a deposit slip in the bank, bring them to a friend’s office. Lend her your digital camera, go to a beautiful place and have them shoot away. Later on that day, view her photos with her in your computer. Take them on a trek to the crater of Mt. Pinatubo. Expose them to things they wouldn’t normally be exposed to: Teach your son about lipstick, foundation, mascara. Teach your daughter about the different tools you’ll find in a hardware store or how to change a spare tire. Teach them street names. Help them develop a good sense of direction. Teach them how to take someone’s blood pressure. Do you know how? Maybe now would be a good time to learn. Take a class with them: Chinese? French? Arabic? Sign language? CPR? Swimming? Typing?

It’s difficult to outdo a parent—My kids used to go to a wonderful school and it was easy to see that the teachers’ hearts were really to impart scholarship, character and leadership to their students. But when I think about how much I want to impart knowledge to my children, it’s a different level altogether.

I know my children more than any teacher ever has or probably ever will. I’m with my children from the time they wake up until the time they go to bed at night! I see what they’re like at the dining table and in a toy store, I see how they are when with new friends and street children, I see how they treat helpers and influential people. Because I supposedly understand them more, I should be able to address their needs better. Many parents have testified that it was not until they home schooled their children that they were able to correct flaws in their children’s characters (whining, disobedience, lying, laziness, lack of responsibility) and/or hygiene.

If you’re looking for the best education for you child, you might be surprised to know that’s it’s right there in your home!

Register now in the official SCHOOL TALK FORUM and join the discussion!

*Jill Quimpo – Paredes is an established realtor and a mother of two. She is the former Managing Editor of Baby Magazine and is currently home schooling her children. Jill is an Educhild graduate.

People say that it is quite a challenge to send our kids to school nowadays and I agree 100%!

Just how difficult is it? About 14 years ago, our eldest daughter Billie entered preschool. I can still remember her anxiety. . . how she didn’t want to be left alone in school and how she clung to her mom’s legs so tightly out of fear of her new environment. . . great memories indeed. Two years later, our second daughter Gabbie had a different experience. . . she didn’t have the fears of her ate and entered the school like a very confident little girl.

Aside from their first-day school experiences, I also remembered their tuition. My first child’s Kinder 1 tuition at her school was about P35,000, and my second daughter’s slightly increased to about P38,000. Today, me eldest daughter’s tuition is now about P 195,000 a year while my second daughter’s tuition is about P 105,000 – that’s a whopping 457% and a 176% increase respectively in a span of over a decade. These figures are not inclusive of books, uniforms, etc. — just tuition! By the way, I don’t have just 2 kids, I also have 2 more sons.

Our concern has always been about providing for our children’s educational costs and after sending kids to schools for over a decade, it doesn’t get any easier.

It’s all about priorities. Filipino parents are so admirable that they move heaven and earth just to send their kids to school. They labor, they sacrifice. . . . It is not uncommon to find deserving students in expensive schools even if their parents can’t really afford it. While that is indeed an admirable trait, it is also a big concern. Why? Many parents pour everything they have into their children’s education without really planning for themselves. The result? They will be dependent on their children in the future, an offshoot of putting everything in the education of their kids.

This is a very controversial argument. It is every parent’s concern and priority to provide for their children, education being one of them. I am not saying that parents forfeit this obligation; on the contrary, I often coach parents on how to properly prepare for education costs. But parents must put things in their proper perspective. The ability to provide for their kids’ education is commensurate with their ability to put their financial life in order. We can’t sacrifice quality living and preparation for the future in the name of our kids’ education. When it comes to expensive education, I often say “go!”, but just make sure you can truly afford it. There are preschools today that cost P200,000 or more. The sprouting of “international” schools that charge outrageous tuition is an indication of how we put value on education. I often ask myself if sending my kids to expensive schools is really worth it. Often, our finances are so drained because of education that we tend to sacrifice other areas like retirement planning, investments, etc.

Is expensive tuition really worth it? Is quality education really all about expensive schools? How much money do we spend on private tutors? We live in a culture that encourages sending our kids to schools—at a price we can hardly afford that it puts too much pressure on us parents. Sacrificing for our children’s future is admirable, and I agree with that 100 percent. But I disagree with putting our children’s hopes solely on educational institutions. Being a training professional myself, I know that the ability to teach people is not just about good teachers, materials and facilities. It’s really more than that.

Honestly, did we really use what we learned in college when we started to work? Probably for doctors, dentists, lawyers. . . but for the rest of us? Hmm. Did school really prepare us for life? Do expensive, exclusive schools increase the chances of success? There really is no way for us to validate these arguments, but there is something I am sure about. Not having gone to expensive schools will not prevent a person from being successful. How many successful people did not go to an expensive university? A lot! I often check out many executives and successful entrepreneurs for their educational background. There are just as many successful people who did not go to an expensive school as those who did.

Catch part 2 of this blog, soon!

Register now in the official SCHOOL TALK FORUM and join the discussion!

*J. Randell Tiongson is a personal-finance coach and educator and the president and COO of Personal Finance Advisers Philippines Corp. He is a director of the Registered Financial Planning Institute Philippines and has been engaged in the various facets of the financial services industry for over two decades. He is also the cofounder ofwww.income-tacts.com, an interactive site dedicated to the financial literacy of every Pinoy. For inquiries on training, speaking engagements, financial planning and consultancy, you may send an e-mail to randellt@gmail.com. You can also check his site at www.randelltiongson.com.

The greatest challenge for parents is to deal with their teenaged children. I know this as a fact of life because I am raising up teens of my own. Perhaps this is the reason why one woman said, “Now I know why certain animals eat their young!”

Two college kids were arrested for public and underage drinking. The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parents. Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, “I suppose you’re the kids’ lawyer.”

“Nope,” the man replied. “I’m just here to deliver them a pizza.”

Sometimes teenagers do not know what is important. Their priorities are all so messed up. I came across an interesting article that compares teenagers with cats. I don’t have cats in the home but perhaps you would identify.

Here’s how it goes:

Teenagers are like Cats

For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats:

1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.
3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.
4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile.
5. No cat or teenager shares your taste in music.
6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.
7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.
8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy — a sense of complete and utter boredom.
9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone’s furniture.
10. Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.

Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians.

It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.

A parent went to the psychiatrist’s clinic and carried on this conversation.

“Doctor, I’d like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son.”

“OK: He’s most likely suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery.”

“How can you say all that without even meeting him?”

“I thought you said he’s 13?”

When I get upset with my teens, I struggle through the process and some times I do have to admit that our children being God’s gift to us and all that becomes a difficult thing to accept. But indeed they are.

And so I simply console myself with this thought. I’ll just wait till they will have kids of their own and then they’ll experience the same thing. And when they’re upset with their teens too, I would have enjoyed my grandchildren by that time. And grandchildren I know, is God’s rewards to us parents for not killing our children.

God bless you.

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Francis J. Kong is the country’s leading motivational and inspirational speaker and trainer. He is also of 10 best-selling books and writes his own column at the Philippine Star. Francis Kong has an award-winning radio program over DZFE. Francis is the proud father of 3 wonderful children. For more information about Francis Kong, log on to www.franciskong.com

Since the time of our parents and grandparents, parenting skills were learned from the extended family. If parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles didn’t live in the same house, they usually live within the proximity. Unfortunately, it is a ‘hit and miss thing’ and we are the ‘guinea pigs’. As much as our parents are very sincere in training us, sincerity is not enough to yield success. My question is — what if our parents were ‘sincerely’ wrong?

There’s one great thing my wife Nove and I learned that we are using with regard to parenting – experience is not necessarily the best teacher; learning from other people’s mistakes along with experience is our best teacher.

We are very thankful that we have great mentors who can coach us in raising our kids.

Do not hesitate to ask questions from people who had ‘been there done that’.

Remember, we can never live long enough to commit all the mistakes in life.

Do you have people who can mentor you in raising you kids?

If you do not have one, find and get one now.

We only have one shot in raising our kids properly. So let us make the most out of it.

Register now in the official SCHOOL TALK FORUM and join the discussion!

*Chinkee Tan is a Registered Financial Planner and a Lifestyle Trainer. He is the author of the best-selling book “Till Debt Do Us Part”. For inquiries on speaking engagements, training and consultancy, please visit www.chinkeetan.com